It takes real conviction to be as gloriously underwhelming as Pakistan have been during the England tour

There are three things in life that are certain: death, taxes, and English skies waiting for Test cricket to release the worst of their wrath. It was no surprise then that the start of the Lord’s Test between Pakistan and England took its time, with a pitch shrouded in covers, a delayed toss and a thicket of clouds refusing to make way for even the smallest ray of sun. In the middle of England’s hottest summer on record, this felt like tradition reimposing itself; some things are sacred and rain during the cricket is one of them. And if you were watching from Pakistan, you could do some simple idiomatic math to try and hold onto some hope for the rest of this series after the innings defeat in Headingley. It takes real conviction to be as gloriously underwhelming as Pakistan have been this entire tour of England so far, but day two in London might be the most abysmal performance we have seen from the Green Shirts in a long time. There is nothing new left to add in these routine assessments of Pakistan’s losses, and most who have watched the team over most of the last few years can articulate the reasons off the top of their head. The management needs a reset, the domestic system needs an overhaul, the batting needs work, the bowling needs fire and discipline, and the fielding, before anything, needs to show up. But, with the sheer obstinance, that only watching Pakistan play cricket can grant, I am going to try anyway. The bowling was slightly more incisive than the first Test. But in front of England — which bowled with potent pace, variety and discipline — Pakistan looked as though they were digging through a wall with a spoon. England’s quartet of Ollie Robinson, Jofra Archer, Josh Tongue and Gus Atkinson, proved to be matchless. The side’s persistent issues of getting the tail out persisted happily, with the last wicket partnership amounting to 47 runs. And isn’t this a picture of how bleak it is for Pakistan: had Tongue, England’s No 11, batted for Pakistan, his score of 30 would have been the second highest of the innings. The positives, if any, that Pakistan takes from the batting innings of any match are steadily declining. There is only one paltry consolation for the Green Shirts: Azan Awais’s grit with the bat — the only recorded instance of a Pakistani batter trying at present. He set up camp, dug in and negotiated the relentless pace and accuracy England’s bowlers directed towards him with patience his teammates were unable to muster in the face of a much superior side. The positives end there. Ultimately, with none of his partners trying to match him in temperament or determination, Awais fell to a Robinson bouncer. On the other end, no one seemed particularly keen to do, well, anything. Shan Masood fell early, not decisive enough against Archer’s aim, and Abdullah Shafique did all the hard work to stay, only to fall on the last ball before lunch. Captain Babar Azam showed brief promise with some pristine cover drives but decided to make nothing of it, getting outfoxed by Tongue, while Saud Shakeel and Mohammad Rizwan played equally uninspiring knocks. Imamul Haq, nursing a calf strain, did not bat, reflecting perhaps the broader ideology of Pakistan in this Test tour: in matters that require great courage and going out of one’s way, it is best to abandon ship completely. Pakistan’s 180-run deficit to England after the first innings was larger than any total the team has managed to put together on the tour, with scorelines of 171, 135 and 110 all-out respectively. England ended day two with seven wickets in hand and an ever-swelling lead of 261, almost a hundred runs higher than any total Pakistan have managed to put together in this series. Writing an autopsy-adjacent dissection is probably not the wisest decision to make at stumps on day two of a Test match, but possibly the most dreadful part is that defeat is all but certain. In their concerted efforts to turn Murphy’s law into a self-fulfilling prophecy, Pakistan have decidedly squandered a Test match in two rain-hampered days. As the saying goes, your most embarrassing loss is always the next one. Further, a lot of fuss was created about the cavalier attitude England and its pundits displayed towards Pakistan as a touring side: a Telegraph headline called Pakistan “cricket’s basket case”, while another piece called this team “Pakistan’s worst side in 50 years”. Former England bowler Stuart Broad indicated anything less than a clean sweep would be an under-achievement for England, while Michael Vaughan likened Pakistan’s feeble batting line-up to that of a second division County side. But Pakistan doesn’t seem particularly fussed to prove any of the above wrong. The turmoil and instability within the sport can provide context for any performance by Pakistan in this decade, there comes a point where it becomes yet another pillar of cowardice to hide behind. Surely years of instinct and experience, some base-level faith in the skills one possesses, and some sort of innate desire to do well outweighs the odds stacked against the team. Is it too much to ask for a team to try? For Pakistan, the answer is a resounding yes.

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